i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize