it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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