So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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