Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
