took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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