they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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