mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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