We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
