Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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