Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
