No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
