In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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