I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
