She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
