I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
