This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
