i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
