I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He shit in the fireplace
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
