All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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