I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
false alarm, still single
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
