I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
