may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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