she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
