____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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