somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
