eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
