Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
