i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
