yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
