Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
