Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
