I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
