I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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