I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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