I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
