I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
