worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize