If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we should paint friendship bongs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize