my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
