I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
