She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
