if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
