i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
