they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
