my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
