and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
