real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize