So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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