i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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