Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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