wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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