My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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