i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
