How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I could fuck to npr.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
