I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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