wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
