I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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