so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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