I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
