I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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