clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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