sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i was born a porn star she said
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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