and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize