I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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