New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
