I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
