Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
