K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
