I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
