Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize