How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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