I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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