If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
