i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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