Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize