I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize