so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
