we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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