I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
