Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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