Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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