ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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