i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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