i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
And then he peed in my hair
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