He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
