My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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