I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize