dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
