I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
