At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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