mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
