watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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