I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
