He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize