God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
