You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize