i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
