I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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