I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
