I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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