Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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