I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
