I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
