This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
