Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
