I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize