ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
