Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
