Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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