Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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