my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
