I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize