You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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